Vampire in the Kitchen
by Patronus Charm
Summary: Jane discovers her love of cookie. Only problem is, it's got some erm.... intresting side effects. OOC with an extra does of funny. Nominated the Indie TwiFic Best Use of Comdey Award. VOTE JULY 8TH! UPDATE COMING SOON!
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to yet another humor story! Be warned though, it is VERY OOC. This one is a little different than my other fairly well-known story, ****10 Ways to Annoy Twilight Characters****, for two reasons: **

**1.) IT HAS A PLOT! (Gasp.)**

**2.) It's not a list.**

**This goes out to the 500th reviewer of 10 Ways to Annoy Twilight Characters, Crazily Sane Pancake! She also inspired it! Also, this fic will be about five chapters.**

**Special thanks to KiwiCantDance-x for beta-ing! **

**Disclaimer: Don't own it!**

Chapter 1: Revolting Creations

"Jane," sighed Demitri after another _very _long day of trying to get her to leave him alone, "I don't want to try any of your," he cringed, "--human food."

Last week, Jane had seen a human cooking show on T.V., and decided that cooking was her 'calling'. This led Jane on to making what she called her 'creations'. Demitri was convinced that these 'creations' of _every_ smelly variety was revolting – even to human standards. She had been forcing the entire Volturi to try her stinky little 'master pieces'.

If it had been any other vampire, she would have been cast-out instantly. But Jane had ways of err – _persuading_ - her victims, and no one wanted to get on her bad side; not even Demitri.

Jane let out a growl, "Demitri," she said; sounding frustrated as well as dangerous, "Just eat it. I worked hard on it, and besides, you know your alternatives." She shrugged off the last line, as if the intense pain she could create with only her mind were no big deal.

Demitri glared at her. He knew he had two choices; eat it or eat it and be tortured. The latter would be stupid; he knew that. But eating it… somehow he would rather be tortured.

And so Demitri created option three:

_Run like hell._

Jane was not at all pleased with said 'option three'. In fact, it made her want to torment the crap out of a certain someone, that someone being Demitri.

May he rest in peace once she was done with him.

How dare he refuse her beautiful creations?

--

Meanwhile, Demitri had escaped to Aro's chambers where Alec and Marcus were also gathered. He was begging Aro to set Jane right. Of course, that was easier said than done, as it was well known that Aro had a _thing _for Jane. Demitri found it rather sick.

"You have to stop her!" Demitri shrieked, "If I eat one more of her so-called 'little creations', I'm going to rip my hair out!"

Aro sighed, "If she wants to make awful-smelling human food that's her problem, I don't see why everyone is so worked up about it." He waved his hand to gesture toward everyone.

Demitri was about ready to kill Aro. Thankfully, before he made his extremely moronic decision, Marcus spoke up.

"I hate to contradict you, Aro, but have you actually _tried _Jane's food?"

"Of course not! And it can't be _that _bad," said Aro, "It's no human for sure, but it's just human food. I don't see why you weaklings can't just suck it up and deal."

"I have to agree with Marcus and Demitri," said another voice, Alec, "It makes normal human food look like Bella Swan."

"If I try Jane's food will you all _shut up and go away_?" Aro grumbled, "Barney's on."

Everyone stared, shocked.

"Crap, I said that out loud didn't I?" said Aro, looking extremely embarrassed.

Everyone nodded, looking very creeped out, and still staring absent-minded.

"Well, WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT!" screeched Aro.

"Nothing!"

"What staring?"

"I like pie!"

"No you don't!" Marcus protested, "Jane's pie tastes like human diapers! Who said that anyway?"

Aro gave Marcus a strange look, "How would you know what human diapers tastes like?"

If Marcus could blush he would have turned tomato red.

"You don't want to know," he muttered.

"If you want to know, read his diary!" sing-songed Alec while waving a pink notebook in the air.

"GIVE THAT BACK!" Marcus shrilled.

"It's got stuff about his secret obsession with Harry Potter, his love for his teddy bear, Mr. Fluffykinz, and his girlfriend-" he was cut off by Marcus tackling him to the ground.

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Aro, "STOP RIGHT NOW!"

Marcus and Alec ignored his orders.

"Are you going to try Jane's food or not?" asked Demitri, mentally laughing about the idea of Aro eating Jane's 'master pieces'.

"Well-" Aro was cut off by Marcus's cell-phone ringing. It played _Sexy Back_.

Marcus immediately stopped fighting with Alec, who hid the diary under a chair muttering something about posting it on Fan Fiction – whatever that was - and answered his cell-phone.

"Um..." said Marcus into the phone, "Hello? What! NO! Wait? I don't own a green Corvette, it's pink!" He stopped talking as he remembered who he was in the room with.

There was an awkward silence.

"You need help dude," Alec broke the silence.

"Yep, you and Jane both," added Demitri.

"About Jane," said Aro, looking like a dog with its tail between its legs, "Is it really necessary that I try-"

"YES!" yelled all the vampires in the room simultaneously.

Suddenly, Jane burst into the room.

"DEMETRI!" she screeched, sounding very deranged, "YOU SHALL PAY FOR TURNING DOWN MY FOOD! I WILL HAVE REVENGE! MUWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" She pumped her small fist in the air.

"Oh crap," said Demitri.

"Bellatrix!" yelled Marcus, pointing to Jane.

"PMS!" Alec tacked on, also pointing to Jane.

Even Jane stared dumbfounded this time.

"Vampires don't get PMS," commented Aro.

"But they can be crazy, deranged, bi-" muttered Demitri, stopping when he saw Aro glare at him.

"It's okay Jane, you don't have to get revenge on Demitri here," Marcus motioned toward Demitri, "Aro wants to try your err - _creations_."

Aro looked murderous.

"Oh," said Jane, looking less deranged, as well as pleased, "Well, I did just make some apple pie…"

"So _THAT'S_ what smells so bad…" Alec muttered knowingly.

Unluckily enough for him, Jane heard, and the next second he was withering on the floor in excruciating pain.

"It's GOOD pie!" she defended, looking hurt.

"Great!" Demitri encouraged, "Go get it!"

"I think I will," said Jane smugly.

--

When she returned, every vampire in the room stopped breathing. Not because she was stunning, but because they couldn't stand to take a whiff of the stench coming from the _thing _she had made. Were apple pies _supposed _to be green?

Anyway, by the time he had consumed the disgusting _thing_ that Jane had made, Aro was in the hardly-used master bathroom - throwing up. Vampires have to eventually throw up human food anyway, but in this particular case, Aro _had _to get it out of his system.

Luckily, Jane wasn't there to witness the event; one of her cooking shows was on. Was it called the Food Network?

When Aro had finished throwing up, he returned to the room where everyone had finally been able to start inhaling and exhaling once again. Demitri was about ready to worship whoever had invented Air Freshener.

"That was...ugh..." groaned Aro.

"Welcome to the club man," Alec chimed in, shaking his head at the fact that they had not thought of getting Aro to try the _food_ – if you could call it that - earlier.

"So how do we get rid of her?" asked Marcus, looking eager.

"Well, what's her biggest ambition right now?" Demitri questioned, looking hopeful at Aro.

"To open a catering business," Aro answered.

"We can tell her that someone we hate wants her to do ALL their meals for them," suggested Alec.

"Sounds good," commented Marcus.

"I agree," added Demitri.

"But who do we send her to?" Aro pondered.

Alec thought for a moment before coming up with a solution. "What about those wolves that the Cullen's are always complaining about?"

"The Quileute's?" Marcus inquired.

"The very ones," replied Alec, with a smirk on his face.

"Then it's settled," said Aro, happy to get rid of Jane, "I'll go tell her now."

Demitri felt as if he would throw a party; Jane was off his back at last.

**Like it? Hate it? R&R! I would really like some suggestions! I know everyone seems a little off-character, but if they were ON-character this story couldn't exist. **

**Next time…**

"_This smells a little weird…" said Jacob, looking at his slice of pie hesitantly._

**--**

**Remember to check out my other stories!**

**Patronus OUT!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, everyone! Welcome to Chapter two! I would now like to formally announce that this fic disregards Breaking Dawn, which is awesome no matter what anyone says! coughTonksxAngelsxSoulmatexcough. **

**Anyway, I would like to also announce that I will soon be writing a bonus chapter, ****MARCUS'S DIARY! **

**Disclaimer: Disclaimer, disclaimer, where art thou disclaimer! I need thou to say thouest awesomeful words of wisdom that are, "I don't own Twilight!" ...Word.**

**Chapter 2: Food? More like Poison!**

Jane was very excited. Aro had just told her that she would be getting a chance to expand her culinary expertise on people who could really appreciate it: the Quileutes, of course.

Felix, however, - who was feeling extremely angry at her due to the fact that he had 'failed to see the beauty in her pumpkin pie', Jane is _ruthless_ - had told her that Aro was sending her there because he wanted to get rid of her.

Felix had, of course, been punished for his misdeeds. Jane wouldn't tolerate his anti personality, his lies the least.

How _dare_ he?

--

Meanwhile…

It was a normal day for the Quileute reservation that was La Push. Jacob Black was sitting on the couch watching TV with his friend Paul. They were making small-talk that mainly concerned the bonfire that the pack and a selective few were having later that evening.

Jacob was suddenly feeling queasy. Paul had just changed the channel from a Harry Potter movie to some perverted Victoria's Secret fashion show.

"Paul! I was watching that!" he exclaimed, very annoyed that Paul dared interrupt his Harry Potter viewing time. Voldemort was just about to kill Cedric! How _dare _he! Cedric is made of _awesome_! But that may be...er...beside the point.

"Seriously Jake, what's better? Girls in little to no clothing or Voldey-something-or-rather killing people with his _mystical_ green light?" Paul shoved some popcorn in his mouth while he dangled his fingers in front of Jacob's face – clearly mocking the entire series, "Ooooh-h-h!"

Jacob growled and tried to resist the temptation to tear the sofa into tiny pieces. And feeding said pieces, well, force-feeding said pieces to Paul.

Jacob's inner rambling was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"You gonna get that Jacob?" Paul muttered out of the side of his mouth and proceeded to chuck a handful of popcorn at Jacob playfully.

"_You_ get it," Jacob retorted semi-harshly as he wiped a popcorn kernel off his shirt.

The knocking sounded again, sharper and more forceful this time.

"_You_ get it!" Paul mocked; but he was entirely serious.

"No, you get it!"

"It's your house?"

"Well -" there was no need for Jacob to finish his sentence as the visitor had promptly let herself in...by breaking the door down.

"Werewolves these days," Jane muttered as she propped the broken door against the wall, wearing an expression that an interior designer would wear when commenting on someone's taste in fashion.

"LEECH!" Paul screeched, pointing a finger gun at Jane, "OH MY GOD, A LEECH IN YOUR HOUSE! THIS IS A BAD, _BAD_ OMEN, MAN! WE WILL ALL TURN INTO UGLY RABID BUNNIES! I hate bunnies…" he covered in fear at the very thought of the terrifying bunnies. Terrifying, ugly, and also rabid bunnies, that is.

Jane – followed by Jacob – shot Paul a weird look.

"That was, um…" Jacob shook his head, cleared his throat, and turned back to Paul, "You haven't been watching horror movies again, have you?"

"Maybe," Paul said, not meeting Jacob's eyes.

Jane did a sort of 'ah-h-h-hem', "I'm still here you know!"

"Shouldn't we be, er, you know, attacking it?" Paul gave Jacob a flitting look, secretly glad to get off the subject of his bunny issues. _Those things are DEMONS! DEMONS I SAY!_

Er, off topic…pay no mind to the crazy narrator…back to the story now…that's a good reader…

Jane was angered by Paul's unnecessary comment, _I come to give them a culinary experience of their life time and what do they do? 'Let's go attack 'it'! _

Oh yes. They _would_ pay.

But, Jane knew they did not yet know of her great talent; they must be given allowance.

Though she had to admit, her Food Network tee-shirt was a bit of a giveaway.

Screw the allowance.

When Paul was done screaming in agony, and Jacob was done attempting to attack her, Jane signaled her movers to bring in her stuff. One simple wave of her hand was all it took, who would ever keep Jane Volturi waiting? No one, of course.

The movers (alsoknownas: some of the less fortunate Volturi guard members) were now hauling in appliances that looked as if they belonged to a world class pastry chef. You can't forget the stack of werewolf sized t-shirts that had Jane's face plastered on it.

They began placing their burdens randomly around the Black household. In the meantime, they were gladly shoving anything that was in their way (alsoknownas: Jacob's stuff) against the wall and not-as-gladly adding extensions on to the house at vampire speed.

Jacob opened his mouth to protest, but an evil and dangerous glare from Jane made him think the better of it, so he settled for whimpering under his breath whenever something of his was broken in the 'moving' process.

This continued on for some time. When Jane's movers had finally completed their task, Jane turned to Paul and Jacob.

"You are most likely wondering what brought me here and who I am," she began with the ore of one commenting about the weather. (NOTE: I don't get that sentence, exactly. If I'm misunderstanding and it does make sense, then don't mind me. :) )

Jacob and Paul both nodded; their faces matched with a 'Well, DUH' expression.

Jane pretended not to notice and continued, "My name is Jane, of the Volturi, which is the most expansive coven of the vampire world. Recently, I discovered my talent in the kitchen have selected you and your pack to be my next good deed – you get to experience the wonderful food that is mine! At least until my coven wants me back, they must miss my cooking. Your friends, the Cullen's, have referred me to you and I am, of course, delighted to come and cook for you."

Jacob was utterly bewildered.

Paul tried not to laugh.

Finally, after they had stared at Jane for a good five minutes, Jacob barked out laughing..

"Okay," he said through his fit of laughter, "How much did Edward pay you?"

You can guess what happens next. Ooh, that's gotta hurt…

"HOW DARE YOU!" Jane shrieked, her temper reaching an all-time high, "THE VOLTURI SEND ME HERE IN AN ACT OF_ KINDNESS_ AND THIS IS THE WELCOME I GET?"

"Okay, okay," Paul said in an attempt to calm the situation, "We're having a bonfire tonight with the pack, you can cook for us, okay?"

Jane seemed to calm down after that was said.

She thought it over, unsure if she still wanted to grace them with her gifts. Eventually deciding that they would learn with time.

Jacob and Paul held their breaths all the while.

Her expression softened, "I'd be honored," she said finally.

The werewolves exhaled.

--

Several hours later, the kitchen smelled awful, even to the noses of the wolves.

The pack was gathered outside, uneasily awaiting the vampire and her cooking. No one spoke. Everyone present simply exchanged nervous glances every so often.

A moment later, Jane arrived, followed by her movers, who were now carrying many rancid smelling dishes.

Jane smiled to herself. She was very pleased with herself, the werewolves were sure to enjoy her master pieces. She had out-done herself, _this_ was art!

On the rare circumstance that they didn't, well, lets just say that it is in their best interests' to enjoy her work.

Jane had indeed made enough food to feed a very large pack of wolves; for you could barely see the faces of the movers under the stuff they were carrying.

Each mover deposited a generous amount of food in front of each wolf, who did his or her best not to cringe at the horrid smell coming from the 'food' they were supposed to ingest. Leah was tempted to chuck the lot at Jane's back when she was aloof, but Jacob and Paul had filled her in on what she could do and was forced to follow orders.

Stupid males.

"All right," Jane chimed in a sing-song voice, "Dig in!"

"I'm supposed to _eat _this?" Jacob mumbled darkly to himself as he poked at the so called 'pizza.' The wolf knew that no matter what Jane said, pizza was not supposed to be green with dark brown cheese.

_What did she _do _to this? _Jacob was thinking.

"I _said _dig in_!_" Jane snapped.

The wolves obeyed, not knowing what else to do.

Leah plugged her nose and ate her 'sandwich.'

She felt a strange tingling sensation...

All too sudden...

She had whiskers…

And a tail…

And when she went to speak it sounded like-

"Meow!" Leah...meowed?

Sam spat out a mouthful of his sandwich when he heard her.

"You, uh, alright Leah?"

Leah responded by hissing at him and glaring at him in a most cat-like way. Her tail even started to whip back and forth!

Everyone was now looking warily at his or her food.

Quil began to eat again after Jane gave him the 'you know what option two is' look. He turned to Jacob with his mouth full, "Do you think Leah is just being stupid or do you think she really thinks she's a -" He was cut off by a second head popping out of his shoulder.

The head began to jabber away in Latin.

Billy let out a groan, _what_ was next?

**Not one of my more entertaining chapters, but yeah. Sorry about my slow updates, a combination of hotels with crappy Internet connections (I WAS on vacation) and mild writers block. **

**Next time….**

_We find out more about what Jane's DOES… _

_Jane gets some dangerous ideas… like opening up a restaurant…_

_And brave Jared… how we will miss him… _

_Hold it! Who said I was killing anyone?_

**Please review!**

**Patronus OUT!!**


	3. Chapter 3: Forming the Plan

**Gasp! I am not dead! I was not abducted by Aliens, nor was I kidnapped by Edward on crack! Prepare yourselves for a chapter of utter chaos! We've got bad Elvis impersonations, Harry Potter arguments, A Giant Cheese Monster named Sally or Demon, FanfictionmadeOOCidious, and, gasp, is there a plot in there somewhere too?**

**Disclaimer- The disclaimer is stuffed full of leftovers and will get back to you later.**

**Chapter 3- Forming the Plan**

Billy Black looked on at the scene unfolding in front of him. The werewolf pack was gradually all mutating due to the effects of Jane's cooking.

So far, Leah had become a cat (now complete with fur), Jacob's hair was changing colors (it was now a lovely shade of lavender), Sam thought he had grown wings and was now living his boyhood dream of being able to fly, and Quil had become fluent in Latin...

"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!" said Sam before he crashed head-first into a tree.

"Sam...," sighed Billy (who was only pretending to eat his food), "You can't fly!"

Billy's commented was wasted. Sam was now insisting he was really Elvis Presley.

He had to think of something fast.

---------------

Meanwhile, the Cullens minus Edward all sat around Alice, who was wearing a blank stare like some dumb person in advanced calculus.

She blinked and burst out laughing.

"So," prompted Jasper, "What did you see?"

Suddenly, Edward burst out laughing in the other room. "NO WAY! SAM- ELVIS! HA!"

"Would someone please tell me what's going on!" snapped Rosalie.

"Jane- cooking- werewolves- mutating-" gasped Alice between laughs.

"Stupid mind reader and physic," muttered Emmett.

"Edward-" Bella sighed.

"Alice," said Jasper.

Emmet picked his nose.

"CARLISE! MAKE THEM STOP!" screamed Rosalie.

"ROSE!" yelled Esme, as she had just crushed the good china in her anger.

"EMMETT!" said Emmett not wanting to be left out.

Alice and Edward stopped laughing to stare at him with everyone else.

"So what _did _you see?" asked Esme, wondering what could have possible caused the demise of her precious china.

"You aren't gonna believe this!" chirped Alice excitedly, "Jane is- hehe- _cooking._"

The Cullens exchanged glances.

"That is funny," said Rosalie, "But that can't be all."

"Her cooking causes the werewolves to mutate!" finished Edward.

"How so?" asked Emmett slyly, "This could be something for my YouTube channel!"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?! PUTTING FOOTAGE OF MYTHICAL CREATURES ON THE INTERNET IS JUST ASKING FOR THE VOULTRI TO COME AND PAY YOU A VIST!" screamed Esme, "AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT INCIDENT WITH THE FAIRES!"

Emmett sighed. "Good times, good times."

Alice rolled her eyes before explaining.

----------------

Billy Black groaned as he learned of the latest mishappenings to the pack.

"I am in love with Rosalie Cullen!" proclaimed Embry, "I must give her my declaration of love! I must learn to write poetry! Rosalie, oh Rosalie, you smell like burning salt! I would love to buy you a malt!-"

"The Cullens!" Billy said to himself, "The one male leech reads minds, he can read Jane's mind to figure out how to make an antidote to her foods, and perhaps might help him figure out how to get rid of her!"

Before Jane could see, Billy Black was off.

-----------------

When the Cullen's were all done laughing their heads off, there was a knock on the door.

"Get the door Emmett!" said Jasper.

"You get!" retorted Emmett.

"No you get!" retorted Jasper.

Bella rolled her eyes and yelled "COME IN!"

Billy Black raced inside, glancing over his shoulder like he was making sure he wasn't being followed.

"You've got to help me!" he cried, "Jane is-"

"Cooking horrible food that causes wolves to mutate and to go crazier than they already where." Finished Edward.

"How did you know that?" asked Billy.

"I read minds," said Edward dryly.

"And I see the future," added Alice, who was filing her nails, looking un-amused.

"I knew that!" snapped Billy, "I was just testing you!"

"Uhhuh,"

"Sure…,"

"Just keep telling yourself that…,"

There was an awkward silence.

"Umm…" said Billy, "How about that new Potter movie?"

"Good, but didn't stay as close to the book as I had wanted it to," replied Bella.

"NO WAY!" screamed Billy, "I LOVE IT!!"

"It sucked!" argued Bella.

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO!"

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO!"

"CHEESE!" said Emmett.

"Come on Emmett," sighed Rosalie, "Everyone knows that saying the names of food randomly went out with the Disco. Now it's all about the good one-liners."

"No seriously Rose," said Emmett, pointing in the direction of the window, "look there."

"IT'S A BIRD!" proclaimed Jasper.

"IT'S A PLANE!" added Edward.

"It's defiantly not Super Man," muttered Rosalie.

"Actually that's Jane's Giant Cheese Monster of Doom and Food Poisoning," said Billy Black thoughtfully.

"That's a mouth full," said Alice, "Can I just call it Sally?"

"Why Sally?" asked Esme, "I think something like Demon would be much more apparate."

"Why demon?" asked Edward, "I think it's kind of cute in the creepy monster eating Esme's flowers sort of way. WAIT! It's eating Esme's _flowers_! IT'S GOING TO START ON MY COLLECTION OF OREOS NEXT! WE MUST PREPARE FOR WAR!"

Everyone stared blankly at Edward as he retreated up the stairs.

"Has Edward been on crack or something?" asked Billy.

"No," answered Bella, flipping through a magazine with a picture of someone names Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart on the cover, "We believe he has contact FanfictionmadeOOCidious. This is caused by too many crazed young Authors, Chimpanzees on crack, plus crazed fangirls addling with his brain."

"Oh," said Billy, "My mistake. That really is terrible, and horrifically entertaining."

Just then Edward raced down stairs with a pirate hat on his head and a toilet plunger in his hand.

"WARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" he yelled as he raced out side to "strike fear into the hearts of the thing that threatens his beloved Oreos".

"On second thought," said Carlisle, "Maybe he is on crack."

"Are we going to get to the point of this meeting any time soon?" asked Rosalie, as she calmly watched Edward be plundered by Sally or Demon.

"Probably not," said Alice.

"Yeah, but my pack is DOOMED without your assistance!" cried Billy Black, who then gave a heartfelt speech about his love for his pack, which no one cared to listen to.

"Dude," said Emmett, "You have been watching way too much Oprah."

"Oprah?" asked Billy, "You know her? Can you introduce me? Please! Please! Please! _Please!"_

"Yeah…," said Bella.

"So why should we help you?" asked Emmett, "What's in it for us?"

Billy thought for a moment and then said, "The satisfaction of helping a friend in need?"

"That would be nice," said Rosalie, "If we actually liked you. Did you even get your rabies shot this year, Mongrel?"

Billy puffed out his chest, "Why yes I did," he declared proudly.

"I think he inhaled to many of the fumes from Jane's food," whispered Alice.

"You're telling me," replied Jasper.

Billy Black suddenly got an evil smile on his face. He let out an evil cackle and jumped on top of the coffee table.

"If you don't help me," he said evilly, "I will tell all your fans that you are really all Lindsey Lohan stalkers and not vampires at all!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" said Edward.

"You idiot!" said Rosalie, "You honestly think the fans would really believe that bullcrap?"

"They will if I tell them to," said a voice, "It's my story."

The author has arrived.

**Hope you guys liked it! I promise I won't take this long to update next time! My charming friends from dance will probably hunt me down and kill me in my sleep if I don't, that and they have some good ideas. :D**

**Peace, Love, EDWARD!**

**Patronus OUT!!**


	4. Best Comdey Award DO NOT REVIEW!

**Hey people! Sorry to disappoint, I know everyone hates these authors notes, but this is not an update. However, I have extremely good news!**

**1: I have started work on this story again.**

**2: This story was nominated for Best Use of Comedy in the Indies Twific Awards. Please, PLEASE vote, I've never won any awards before, and this does mean a lot to me. Please remember to cast your vote before 7/22/09.**

**Please also refrain from reviewing this Authors note, it will be taken down and replaced with the real chapter in a few days.**

**Here's the link for the voting, which begins on July Eighth (obviously without the spaces). Thanks a ton!**

**http :// www. the indie twific awards . com / vote . aspx**

**~Patronus Charm**


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